My thoughts the day before
The night before the diet starts… I always start to feel anxious. Will I fail again? Will I be binging by dinner? Can I make it home without convincing myself I need to go to the shop first? I don’t want to fail again, but the feeling of doubt and guilt are already hitting me hard. I want and need to quit the cycle
This week I’ve been away at family and friends, which has resulted in me not having the opportunity to binge. I would never binge in front of people – that’s my thing and my secret. When I’m busy with other people and don’t have that one place (my room) to go hide I do think about binging a lot less. But when I’m at home it is all I think about.
I’ve always had an excuse for my late night trips to Tesco ‘I need petrol’ ‘I need a bottle of water for work’ I always come home with bags of goodies that I sneak into the house and stash in my room – as I said my secret. Once the food is stashed in my room I feel safe, I hate the feeling of no food in my room to binge on – hence the anxious feeling when I decide it’s time to make a change.
I’m currently at my sisters house, we have a party today and will be home pretty late. All I think about is can I get to a shop before closing (it’s Sunday) will I have time for one last binge? Or am I setting myself up yet again with these thoughts?
From tomorrow no more pop and to eat three small meals a day. So the plan isn’t necessary no binging but I’m trying to avoid unhealthy snacks and buying them. This might seem small and achievable to most but it’s going to be my biggest demon to over come.
Wish me luck – I will need it